Holding A Wolf By the Ears: The Hidden Compliment of Criticism

Parshas Acharei Mos 5784

When you sell a piece of real estate for profit, you’re in line to be hit with a heavy tax burden on those earnings. Enter the 1031 exchange: a vehicle that permits you to defer taxes on those earnings if the proceeds are used to purchase another property within a given timeframe. What happens when you sell the next one? Repeat the process, or pay up. It’s a great investment option, but you’re stuck on that carousel forever.

I once heard a brilliant analogy offered to describe this position: It’s like holding a wolf by the ears.

So long as you have the wolf’s ears in your grasp, the beast is subdued and he cannot hurt you. Of course, you’ll need to hold those ears forever. Because if you ever let go, he’ll attack. And the longer you hold on, the worse his bite will be. Wolves don’t generally appreciate having their ears held, after all.

And it’s true not only of certain investment strategies, but of how we develop and grow as people.

Acharei Mos introduces us to the issue of pigul, the ability of one’s mindset to adversely affect the korban he brings. Though we generally think of a blemished korban as one that is beset by some physical wound or malady, pigul is not physical, but metaphysical. If one slaughters the korban while planning on consuming it at a time not permitted by halacha, the korban is defiled. 

What is intriguing about the flaw of pigul is not only that a korban can be rendered unfit despite being physically whole and intact, but that pigul applies only when the korban is physically whole and intact. The “stain” of pigul attaches only to a korban not beset by any other physical shortcoming. An animal missing a piece of its ear or suffering an unsightly cleft in its lip cannot be rendered as pigul no matter how errant the mentality of the one who slaughters it.

This, explains Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky, actually underscores a great principle in our development in Divine service. It is only against the light and clean fabric that the stain stands out as ugly or offensive. When our behavior is proper and our character noble, errors, mistakes, and mishaps are more noticeable. A foul word from the mouth of a saintly person is horrifying, whereas that same word escaping the lips of someone known for such behavior hardly turns a head. Only when your korban is complete can it become marred by pigul.

Which begs the critical question, maybe I’m just better off being blemished? Why work to become whole only to run the risk of a new flaw? Why make efforts towards pristine character, just to be held to a standard that will make a future mishap regrettably noticeable? why bother becoming the person held to the higher standard? 

The answer is that we are perpetually holding the wolf by the ears. Left to our own devices, we’d be gobbled up by the wolf within—laziness and conceit, insensitivity and irresponsibility. We must begin to improve and to grow lest we become loathsome version of ourselves. Yet as soon as we take a step up, we’re stuck climbing forever. We hold the wolf at bay, but can never let go of his ears. Having become a caring and generous person, an act of selfishness and greed is now horrifying. Considering the steps you’ve taken towards being so responsible and committed, acting recklessly or with laziness has become uncouth. 

There’s an unfortunate reality that occurs whenever a minyan struggles to get to ten. Everyone looks around, thinks about the people who usually come, and question why they’re  not here today. How could they have slept late? Why couldn’t they push themselves for the sake of the tzibbur? Where’s their sense of communal responsibility? 

Of course, it’s not exactly fair. Why are these questions asked of the small group of people who come nine times out of ten, rather than the multitudes who never make an appearance? Who never bother showing up because it doesn’t quite suit their schedule, or because they’d rather get a bit more shuteye, or because whether there is or is no minyan is simply of no concern to them? Why do we lay blame at the feet of those who have a good record but had an off day, rather than those who have a poor record from the start?

For the same reason that pigul shows up on a pure korban, and that a stain shows up on a clean shirt. And we shouldn’t bemoan it; we should be flattered by it. When we receive flack or criticism that we’re frustrated by, we should consider what this means of our character at large. “This behavior is viewed as being beneath me. Which means that I’m viewed as being above it.” Rather than become mired in the mistake, we can be encouraged by the sense that we are being held to a higher standard because our general track record indicates that we ought to be better. 

We can’t afford to let the wolf roam free. And while we may not initially appreciate being criticized by others for having let those ears go, we’d be wise to remember what’s really behind those words. An recognition of our strong our grip truly is and just how capable we are of subduing the beast who stands opposite us.