Parshas Lech Lecha 5783
On a recent trip to the school cafeteria, I walked by a student’s open computer screen and noticed something odd. He was playing a video game and his avatar was racing across the screen trying to hunt down the other players and shoot them. In the corner of the screen I spotted the names of those players—his rebbeim! I asked the student, “Are you actually playing against the rebbeim?” “No,” he responded, “We just use their names because it’s funny when the screen flashes, you’ve been killed by Rabbi So-And-So.”
When you hijack someone’s identity, that person is at the mercy of your behavior. People may think he’s wasting his time on video games. Worse yet, people may think he’s a thief.
This is exactly what’s at stake for Avraham when he realizes the need for he and Lot to go their own ways. Avraham’s shepherds have been chastising those of Lot for allowing their sheep to graze on the land not their own.
In speaking to Lot and expressing the need to take leave of each other, Avraham refers to them as being, “אנשים אחים אנחנו—we are brothers.” Rashi quotes the Midrash that interprets this phrase to refer to their similar facial features—Avraham and Lot actually looked alike.
Which provides an important insight on the need for Avraham to separate from Lot. Avraham is building a career preaching monotheism—the reality of just One perfect G-d Who serves as a role model for humankind to follow. What would happen if someone so close to him—indeed, someone who could be mistaken for him—would be seen by others acting unethically? Avraham can’t allow all the progress he’s made to be undermined by Lot. He cannot allow people to retreat from monotheism because its chief proponent comes to be seen as a charlatan. Lot must go.
What’s astounding is what comes next:
הֲלֹא כׇל־הָאָרֶץ לְפָנֶיךָ הִפָּרֶד נָא מֵעָלָי אִם־הַשְּׂמֹאל וְאֵימִנָה וְאִם־הַיָּמִין וְאַשְׂמְאִילָה׃
בראשית יג:ט
Behold, the entire land is before you! Depart now from me. If towards the left, I will go right. And if towards the right, then I will go left.
Bereishis 13:9
Rashi explains that Avraham’s description of going left should Lot go right, and vice-versa, was not to say that Avraham would be distancing himself from Lot as far as possible. Rather, should Lot go left, Avraham would be at his immediate right. Wherever Lot settles, Avraham would not be far.
Standards are a difficult thing to maintain, particularly when other people are concerned. It’s far easier to be amiable and easy-going than it is to draw a line and insist it not be crossed. But even more difficult is resisting the urge to erect a fence, even after the line is drawn. Living in the murky space of disassociation on the one hand and maintained interest and concern on the other is a very difficult dance.
Yet this is precisely what Avraham undertakes. There can be no doubt that Avraham has great care and concern for Lot, but he parts ways just the same. Avraham is bent on teaching people about G-d’s values, and turning a blind eye to Lot’s misconduct would compromise the entire enterprise. But Avraham never fully retreats. He cares too much for Lot. Moreover, having been in his orbit for so long, Avraham feels responsible for Lot.
Life has its “Lots”. There are people we grow apart from, not only because we don’t have the bandwidth to keep up, but out of a concerted effort to take a step in a different direction. Spiritually, professionally, personally. “My value system comes under fire whenever we speak.” “I can’t tolerate the language they use.” “Their pessimism is grating and really holding me back.”
Such steps may well be necessary, but we don’t need to run for the hills. Avraham Avinu finds a way to thread the needle, keeping appropriate distance so his life’s mission can still go fulfilled, but staying close enough to continue caring for someone who was close and ought to continue to be in his orbit. Distance doesn’t need to mean severance. We can move on to the left or the right, but stay close enough to care.