Parshas Chayei-Sarah 5784
Avraham insists that a wife not be taken for Yitzchak from the local population. But what if Eliezer can’t find a suitable woman willing to come back from Aram Naharaim? What if the mission is a failure? What if the insistence that Yitzchak be found a bride proves incompatible with the insistence that that wife be from Avraham’s extended family? What if you can’t have both?
If Avraham had lived today, many would suggest that he not bother to answer that question. Because today you can identify that two values may stand in contradiction and offer no resolution as to how to proceed. Just point out the problem, no solution necessary.
I can understand those who call for the annihilation of Israel. Who believe that the Jewish People essentially have no right to a Jewish state. That Jewish blood is cheaper than Arab blood. Those who believe that the pogrom of October 7 was a great service to humanity may well be evil—but I understand them.
What I cannot understand are those who consider October 7 an abject atrocity, and yet call for a ceasefire in Gaza. Who feel that Israel was wrong for invading, for going to war. For whom the plight of innocent Palestinians getting caught in the crossfire is so horrific that Israel’s continued pursuit of Hamas is unjust.
In every moral war there is the sad reality that innocent people are killed. That sad reality exists in this war as well. That is a problem. So what’s the solution?
Many apparently feel that no solution need be offered. Identifying the problem is sufficient. “Israel has a right to defend itself,” yet, “Allowing civilians to be killed is wrong.” A problem, indeed. So what should Israel do? How can they defend themselves against Hamas without killing civilians? If you’ve brought up the problem, what are you offering as a solution?
In hindsight, we know that Eliezer’s mission to Aram Naharaim is successful. Rivka is every bit the worthy bride of Yitzchak and is gladly consents to the proposed shidduch. Isn’t it odd, then, that the Torah even bothers relating Eliezer’s concern and Avraham’s response to it? Do we really need to know the Plan B, considering that Plan A ultimately worked out just fine?
We certainly do. Because Avraham’s approach to decision making in the face of competing values is a critical model for us to follow, many thousands of years later. And in those intervening millennia, so many who may even view themselves as Avraham’s successors appear to have lost their way.
What happens when the demand to marry Yitzchak off and the demand that his wife come from Avraham’s own family cannot both be fulfilled? To this, Avraham makes a tough decision: Eliezer will be absolved of his responsibility to find Yitzchak a wife. When two values cannot simultaneously be held, one must be dropped.
Don’t tell Israel to defend itself but also insist that the very nature of defense be transcended. Preventing further acts of terror from Hamas means going to war with them. And war means human casualties. Evacuation notices have been dropped, warning has been given, a safety corridor has been opened. But people will still die. That’s what war looks like.
Given certain realities, you can’t marry off Yitzchak and also keep him away from the maidens of Canaan. Avraham understands this and tells his servant, “If push comes to shove, don’t marry him off.”
There are tradeoffs in life. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you insist that Israel stop killing civilians, have the guts to say what you really mean: Israel doesn’t have the right to defend itself. Hamas should be given the opportunity to rearm. Israel should sit around until it’s wiped off the face of the earth.
There are surely plenty of bald-faced anti-semites who have no compunction about saying those words. But I wonder how many others have just never grown up. Are still children in adult bodies who haven’t come to terms with the realities of necessary tradeoffs—harsh, brutal tradeoffs—that you sometimes need to make in life.
Avraham had practice. When told by Hashem to sacrifice his son, Avraham was confronted with his responsibilities as a father on the one hand and his responsibilities as a servant of Hashem on the other. There could be no neat reconciliation of the two. His decision has harsh, brutal, and absolutely correct. The decision to sacrifice Yitzchak was an act of spiritual heroism that continues to pay dividends for Avraham’s progeny to this day.
And that act also positioned Avraham to make a tough decision in giving Eliezer his marching orders. What if Plan A fails? In reality, Plan B never comes to bear; Eliezer’s mission is in fact successful. But Avraham’s consideration of the issue provides a critical model for us to follow. Things won’t always work out as we want. Deeply held values will sometimes butt heads. What happens then? Some shrug their shoulders and keep their heads in the clouds. Others understand you can’t have it all. And they heed the call of making some very difficult decisions.