Looking Out, Or Looking At?

Parshas Terumah 5780

We can occupy the same space, and yet be worlds apart. Parshas Terumah describes the two keruvim sitting atop the Aron Kodesh as facing towards one another (25:2). Yet elsewhere (Divrei Hayamim II 3:13), the keruvim are described as facing outwards, towards the Mishkan. The Gemara in Bava Basra (99a) offers a surprising resolution: perhaps the keruvim pivoted. The keruvim represented the relationship between Hashem and His Nation. When the Jews fulfilled the Divine Will, the keruvim faced one another; when the Jews fell short, the keruvim turned away.

Consider this latter position of the outward facing keruvim. When the Jewish People turned away from Hashem, this behavior was reflected in the keruvim likewise turning away from one another. And yet even at such a time, they were remained so close, bound to the same golden lid atop the Aron. So close, and yet so far apart.

Spouses will always enjoy plenty of shared experiences. The rhythms of life create them automatically. But we can be near even as we grow distant. The frequency of the communication can create the illusion of true connection, but even as we interact, we may be “looking out”, rather than “looking at”.

We can fall into the same trap in our relationship with Hashem. There are so many points of contact—myriad halachos we dutifully fulfill—that life is abuzz with mitzvos. But what of Torah study? Learning Torah is the mitzvah that, more than any, speaks to our direct and deep connection with Hashem. Putting life on hold to stop, to listen, to really look at Him. 

Deep connection with a spouse can fall to the wayside because it never feels urgent. There is no clear deadline, nothing about the natural order of life that demands a night out to really engage with one another. Real conversation with Hashem can likewise be swept aside for lack of a deadline. We may maintain an intellectual awareness that without Torah study, our relationship with Hashem will be lacking. But because there is no specific time or event that triggers this mitzvah, it is hard to bring ourselves to engage. Precisely because it is always a good time to learn, it is never a good time to learn.

How do we change this dynamic? By adopting a system that creates a demand and a deadline for meaningful connection. Scheduling a date night with one’s spouse ensures that other items on the to-do list are set aside so that we can spend time “looking at” rather than “looking out”. And the same is true of Torah study. Without committing to a system that demands that we learn, we will rationalize and justify: “Life is just too busy to spend time turning our gaze towards Hashem’s Torah. But no matter, our keruvim are still affixed to the same plane as His.” Committing to a system of learning gives us the edge needed to triage our task list and make time for what is truly important.

It is here that I’d like to make a pitch. In just a little over a week, Daf Yomi will begin its second volume, Maseches Shabbos. I am new to Daf Yomi, having begun with the start of the new cycle less than two months ago, but I have found the system to be a huge boon to my relationship with Hashem, providing a system that demands that I look at Him, not just move about the same space.

Daf Yomi cannot be shirked as easily as some other systems. I am no stranger to a set seder of learning or to a chavrusa, but the need to finish a given quantity of Torah every day creates a demand that cannot be wriggled out of. What happens when a chavrusa is sick? Or when you’re running behind and sit down to learn ten minutes later than scheduled? Rare is it that that time goes made up. But Daf Yomi demands that it be made up, because that page-long conversation with Hashem needs to be finished today. Though self-imposed, the backing of a global movement of tens of thousands of adherents is an extraordinary incentive to not fall behind.

Daf Yomi has also added extraordinary breadth to the conversation with Hashem. Though it can be difficult moving at such a fast pace, it is that pace that ensures exposure to a panorama of topics that would go unstudied in another style of learning. 

The daily demand and the expansive nature of Daf Yomi comes with another advantage: turning its study into a family affair. Learning Daf Yomi has made necessary not only personal sacrifices, but those of my wife and children as well, accepting that their husband and father will be less available as he commits to the program. But never has there been as much interest and pride in my learning. The news of new chapters being completed every few days and the promise of finishing a masechta every few months has animated their interest in this learning. Coupled with the feeling that they are part of a “club” of other families similarly dedicated to this calling has created a sense more than ever that it is our entire family looking consciously towards Hashem, not just one member thereof.

There is no relationship that commands our respect and attention more than our relationship with Hashem. Though the nature of life and of being human make this difficult to pursue, having the right system in place can help turn this nebulous objective into a crystalized reality. I feel blessed to have adopted a system that has helped immensely. I hope you’ll consider joining me.